Couple's Finance

On Sunday, I was thinking about how our finances will merge in the future when P and I are married and we got into a conversation about it. A while ago, I was of the firm belief that married couples should fully integrate their finances. All accounts should have both names and both paychecks should go to one account. In my eyes, everything in a married couples lives become one. I'm a bit old fashioned in this belief and I was severely uneducated.

Talk to me now though and the first thing I would tell you is that every couple and every situation is different. The best way for that couple is for that couple alone. Couples can have similarities in their system but no two systems will ever be the same. No two couples or two people can ever be the same and that's why it's called "Personal" finance.

Here are some suggestions/thoughts/ideas you can go into such a discussion with.

• The amount of money you both make in regards to your immediate needs like food and shelter. It may not make sense to cut the rent directly in half and say we each pay $500. That may be the total amount one of you makes in a month and only a quarter of the other's income. In a situation like that, it might be better to say that each of you put 50% of your relevant income towards the household. In this manner, you are both equally contributing.
• Each other's spending differences. You may think something is the bestest thing you can spend money on in the world whereas your partner thinks it is dumbest waste of money in the universe. Think of these differences rationally and consider each other and your future goals in the process. Come up with a system that works for the both of you.
• Your future goals as a couple. Include both individual goals and goals you would like to achieve together. Your plans together should integrate everything.
• Your financial past and present. Don't go in with secrets. There is nothing written in stone that say's two people of different money management backgrounds can't work out together. Ask Serendipity, she and her Rambo were on two different levels in the beginning, she wasn't on top of her game. Check out how far she has come and I can bet you as a couple, they are in a much better place and stronger relationship.

Now they are lots of different situations out there for a lot of different people. Each of you could already each own a house. One of you may be going to school while the other is working. One may be a stay at home parent. The possibilities aren't enough to cover in one post.

Some couples pool everything. Some may choose to have secret emergency funds(not my personal preference but who am I to say it is wrong?),  Some may choose to live off one paycheck and save the other. Some may split everything down the middle based on actual numbers and not percentage. It really depends on what works for you as a couple.

Finances is a major cause for break ups in relationships(not only marriage), but like most problems, if couples only took the time to sit down and talk about these things, maybe it wouldn't be. Talk about these things before stuff gets serious and talk about them after. Anytime you are uncomfortable with something, bring it up and encourage the other to do the same.

Yes couples should have a budget, future goals and dreams but all relationships need one thing to make everything work. Communication. Talk, talk and talk some more. Talk until you are both comfortable and make it work before you go to bed, or agree to take it up in the morning and do that. Don't do it in anger, start a long time before that and if one of you boils over, take a time out, cool down, apologize and come with a different approach.

Love conquers all, if you are in love, you will work it out. Just communicate. Be interdependent for everything. Save the independence for when one of you needs to be strong when the other is weak.